Grocery Shopping

At least once a month, while driving home from work, I feel compelled to stop at the grocery store. I say this only happens about once a month because, each trip leaves me scarred and it takes a month to convince myself that "it won't be that bad". Tonight was one of those trips. . .

On the one hand, it could have been worse. It could have been like the time Hannah refused to hand over the package of Knorr instant rice to the cashier to scan, resulting in a tug of war with Hannah holding on with all of her might while Mikie and I tried to pry her off of the bag. The bag tore open, spewing powdered flavor everywhere, leaving me too embarrassed not to pay for it.

Or, it could have been one of those embarrassing morning stops to pick up breakfast when Mikie insisted on wearing his swim goggles through the store (on the off chance the lobster tank overflows).And let's not forget the trip where, in my effort to appease my whining 5 year old, I stood in the doorway, cart full of groceries blocking the exit, rummaging through my purse desperately looking for quarters to feed the toy machine while Hannah sat on my hip ripping the hair out of my head. Some stranger felt so bad for me, they gave Mikie $0.50 after he promised to "take care of mommy".

If I can erase the screaming baby and the piteous stares from my memory, tonight's trip was almost humorous. . .

As the scene opens, we see a well dressed mother navigating a grocery store parking lot full of puddles with two kids. Entering the store, she places the toddler in a shopping cart. Said toddler would be extremely cute if she didn't look like she bathed in dirt. She is holding what remains of her brother's Tootsie Pop in one hand, and a fistful of long red hair (her mother's, not her own) in her other hand. While mom is attempting to locate her grocery list, the older child castrates himself in an effort to climb into the cart.

The threesome quickly make their way through the aisles (mom knowing that she has a limited amount of time before the sticky toddler starts screaming for freedom). Entering the cereal aisle, conversation ensues:

Mikie: "We need to get Honey Nut Cheerios."

Mom: "Mikie, you don't eat cereal, let alone Honey Nut Cheerios. Why should I buy them?"

Mikie: "For the toy."

Mom: pauses, looking for the box to see what toy is so special.

Mikie: "They're down on the left."

Mom: momentarily stunned to hear that her son miraculously remembered his left from his right (cereal box toys being a strong motivator): "I see it."

The box contains a Penguins of Madagascar flip toy. Amidst stifled giggles and sideways glances from the FOUR store employees that are restocking the cereal aisle, Mom quickly scans the shelves, looking for another cereal containing the same toy. Sensing the natives are getting restless. . .

Mom: "There must be another cereal that contains the same toy."

Mikie: "Yeah, Cocoa Puffs."

Mom: "We are NOT getting Cocoa Puffs!"

Amidst more laughter from store employees, our protagonist sheepishly loads the box of Honey Nut Cheerios into the cart, announcing to no one in general "Hopefully your sister likes Honey Nut Cheerios."

Since the previously pleasant toddler turned into "Evil Nibbles" shortly thereafter, our heroine suffers more looks in her rush to pay and exit the store.

Upon returning home, our main character relates the shopping experience to her husband. . .

Dad: "I explained to Mikie over the weekend when we were at Target that we would NOT buy cereal just for the toy."

Mom fights the urge to laugh hysterically, wondering if the comfort of a padded cell would be more or less relaxing then her life. At this point in time, our five year old unknowingly enters the kitchen in search of his new toy.

Dad: "Mikie, what did I tell you this weekend about the Penguins toy?"

Mikie: attempts to appear remorseful by looking at the floor, but is unable to mask the HUGE grin on his face: "That we weren't going to get it."

Dad: "So what did you do?"

Mikie: runs out of the room with grin permanently affixed to his face: "Well, I decided to ask Mom, because I REALLY wanted it."Tomorrow, I am going to paste this post onto my steering wheel, as a more permanent reminder that, next time, I should continue driving past the store.

Love, The Trahans