Have you ever seen National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation? In the beginning, the family is going out in search of the "Griswold Family Christmas Tree". When they find it, the son, Russ, makes a comment about it being too big for their yard. To which Clark replies, "It's not going in our yard, Russ, it's going in our living room."
If you can, picture how large that tree was. Then you will come close to picturing our first Christmas Tree. . .
Yes, you read correctly. I said "first", implying that there was (and is) a second.
It started innocently enough. My dad was visiting, and we thought (wisely) that we should go and search for a Christmas Tree. We set out for the tree farm we went to last year, where we had found a beautiful 10 foot tree. Mike believed last year's tree was originally 12 feet tall and, after cutting and trimming, ended up being slightly over 10 feet tall. So, we looked for a tree that was 10-12 feet in height.
The problem with such a big tree is that the local tree farms don't grow trees this tall. They bring them in from other parts of the country (Maine, New Hampshire, North Carolina, etc.) Because the trees are so large, they don't fit through most balers. So, the trees come to the local farm, already cut and bound. And, if you are determined enough to insist on cutting it open before purchasing, you are going to have a hellacious time getting it home and into your house.
We found a tree that was labeled 10-12 feet. It looked symmetrical (granted, I was looking at it bound) and full. My gut said "This is the tree". Nothing could dissuade me. So, we paid $120, and Mike, my dad, and three large men hauled it on to the top of our car.
You might have thought I would have reconsidered taking the tree when I saw it on top of Rocket. Especially when I realized that the bound tree was wider than the windows were tall, and equal in length to the SUV. But, I was certain it was going to be a beautiful tree. And, since Mike was certain the length was equal to what we bought last year, I didn't think twice.
The second fiasco: We got the tree inside, only to determine it was too tall. Since we scraped the paint along some of the walls, and had a mess of needles everywhere, Mike wisely decided to cut the tree down inside. Hell, we already had a mess to clean up, a little more wouldn't kill us.
The third fiasco: Upon standing the tree up the SECOND TIME, we broke the wrought iron tree stand. Okay, broke may be a slight exaggeration. Bent into a new, non-level shape would be more accurate.
Some may have taken this as a sign to quit now. After all, the tree was still bound. We could have taken it back out of the house to the tree farm and returned it for a smaller tree. BUT NOT US. NO, we just paid $120 for what would certainly be a beautiful tree. So, after a quick trip to Home Depot for some new tree stands (I bought two different kinds rated for 10 foot tall trees), we tried again.
The fourth fiasco: The tree was standing up in the malformed stand. However, lifting and maneuvering the tree into the new stand was far from successful. The tree fell over, scraping the paint off one wall, the ceiling, and almost knocking down a few diplomas before landing on the TV.
Eventually, we succeeded in getting the tree up. Here is what it looked like:
That picture was taken around 3:00pm, about four hours after we got home with the tree. The tree was much larger than we could ever have imagined. While it didn't break windows when we cut it open, it did completely obscure the fireplace, requiring us to move the stockings (which were hung by the chimney with care) to the half-wall between the kitchen and family room. Also, you could no longer view the TV from the recliner, forcing Mike to give up his favorite chair if he wanted to watch TV.So, what happened to make us give up such a beautiful tree, hours after we finally succeeded in getting it into the house? Shortly after 7pm, the tree fell down. AGAIN. It knocked down everything on or near the fireplace, scraping a rainbow into the paint above the fireplace, spilling two and a half gallons of hot, sappy water onto the carpet before landing in the vacated recliner.
At this point, one look between us decided that the tree needed to go. Mike had determined that the tree was actually 14 feet tall to start, not the 10-12 feet that was listed. After removing the two feet that we already cut off, the tree was STILL two big. And, none of us wanted to be bothered with the extra effort of cutting it down, only to risk the possibility of a having it fall a third time. Not to mention, a more adequate tree stand would cost at least $100 and would need to be special ordered. We wisely decided to cut our losses and dispose of the tree.
The fifth (and FINAL) fiasco: The tree was no longer bound. And, because it was no longer bound, it didn't fit through any of the doors. Mike pulled out the saw and tree pruning sheers and decimated the tree. Eventually, it was small enough to pull through the door, and throw into the back yard.
One day, hopefully in the near future, we will look back at this and laugh. In the interim, we can be thankful that the first tree collapsed while we were awake to react, and while my dad was still here to help us remove it. And, unlike the movie, we didn't burn the house down.
Happy Holidays.
Love, The Trahans



