The Eye Shadow Incident of 2016

I remember being a kid and desperately wanting to wear makeup. But, my mother insisted "not until you're in high school", which was in part because I went to Catholic grammar school and the nuns didn't allow it. But, in hindsight, I also believe was because I was too young. So, I'm not surprised that at seven, Hannah wants to wear makeup. But, unlike me, Hannah doesn't just accept that "mom said no" and count down to her freshman year of high school...

Mikie has been battling an epic bout of croup/sinus infection that kept him out of school earlier this week. I stayed home with him and, since Mike was stuck in traffic, went to pick Hannah up at after-care. Imagine my surprise when I walked in to find my daughter with blue eyeshadow smeared (unevenly) all over her eyelids up to her brow bone like Mimi from the Drew Carey show. 

Because Mikie and I were at the doctor's, I didn't see her before she left for school. But I was 90% positive that Mike didn't condone the use of makeup. 

Me:  "Why are you wearing makeup?!?"

Hannah:  "Victoria said I could use it."

Now, I don't know who Victoria is, a friend, a staff member at the after-care program, an older kid.  But, since I vividly remember pushing this red-headed minx out of my body seven years ago, I am 100% certain she is NOT Hannah's mother.  

I managed to control my rage enough to curtly tell Hannah to grab her things and exit the building before I started yelling. 

Me:  "You KNOW you are not allowed to wear makeup."

Hannah:  "I forgot."

Me:  "That's a lie and you know it."

Hannah:  "Well, I know how to take it off.  It's easy."

Me:  <insulted> "I KNOW how to remove makeup!  I used to MAKE makeup for a living. I can MAKE that eyeshadow!  That's not the point. You're seven...SEVEN!  You are too young to wear makeup. Not to mention that when you ARE old enough to wear makeup, you NEVER share someone else's makeup. Eyeshadow is UNPRESERvED. It is susceptible to microbial growth. You could get pink eye!"

Hannah:  <not smart enough to keep quiet while I yell> "What's microbial growth?"

Me:  "Germs.  You're missing the point. The point is, you are not allowed to wear makeup."

By this point we had arrived at home. Hannah went inside while I stayed outside and tried to calm down. 

I walked inside to find Hannah at the kitchen table working on her homework with Mike, acting like nothing was amiss.  

Me:  "Did you SEE what you're daughter is wearing?"

Mike looks Hannah up and down while she innocently bats her eyelashes at him, as if silently saying, "I don't know what she's talking about. I'm an angel. Mom's crazy."

Mike:  <with a confused look on his face> "No?"

Me:  "EYESHADOW?!?  How can you miss the blue eyeshadow?!?"

So, we had a talk about not needing to wear makeup to be pretty. Obviously led by Mike, the more rational parent. I was too busy envisioning Hannah as Sarah Jessica Parker in "Girls Just Want to Have Fun", smuggling slutty outfits out of the house in her backpack and changing the minute my back is turned. 

While I wish I had a picture to add to this post, I refused to take one, since it would cement in her head that, although weSAID no, we secretly found it funny, and she could get away with it again. So, you'll just have to use your imagination. 

If this is seven, God help us when she is a teenager...

Love, The Trahans

Mikie's Winter Concert

Last month, Mikie's school held it's winter concert.  It was the first time he performed with the Middle School Band.  It is a much larger group than fourth and fifth grade band (in part because the middle school is made up of two elementary schools).  What they lack in control (especially volume control) they more than make up for in enthusiasm.  And, as you can see at the end of the first piece, Mikie is extremely comfortable in front of an audience. . . taking a bow with the conductor when he should be sitting with the rest of the band.

They are currently working on a medley of Star Wars pieces for the spring concert.  Mikie is thrilled because one of the pieces is the song from the cantina, which prominently features the oboe.  Should prove to be as entertaining as "Secret Agent, Sugar Plum".

Love, The Trahans

Kids Say the Darndest Things

SUPER MIKIE

Over dinner one evening (not going to lie. . . it was at TGI Fridays), Mikie started a game of "Would you rather" to pass the time.  For anyone unfamiliar with this game, you ask people "would you rather or " Mikie likes to change it up by asking the question than guess what the person's response will be.  

Mike:  (to Mikie) "Would you rather have super strength or be super smart?"

Mikie:  "I have my answer."

Mike:  "I guess you'll pick super smart."

Mikie:  "I'm already super smart, so I picked super strength."

While we tried to control our laughter, he added, "and super modest."

PRINCESS HANNAH

Last night, Hannah was reading one of her practice readers to me, entitled "Max Goes Fishing".  In the story, Max goes fishing with his grandpa, but is frustrated because only little fish keep nibbling at his bait.  He wants to catch a BIG fish.  Half way through the story, Hannah reads the following line:

Hannah:  "'Go away, little fish!"

Hannah:  (looking at me) "That's not very complimentary."

Me:  "It wasn't meant to be a compliment.  It was meant to be an order or a command.  'Go away, little fish!'"

Hannah:  "You can't order people to do something.  Unless you're a princess and you are ordering your maid or servant."

And suddenly, our relationship becomes crystal clear:  I thought I was the queen and she was the princess, but obviously, I am the maid.  

This is Hannah

This is Hannah.  Hannah doesn't care that the gymnastics teacher said, "don't use your hands".  She doesn't care that she said, "stop BEFORE you get to the red mat."  Hannah is comfortable with her lack of core muscles and is going to do what she wants anyway.  Hannah is convinced everything she does is FABULOUS; everybody just needs to realize it should be done HER way.  Hannah is confident. . . sometimes to a flaw.  But, she definitely owns it.

Mom's Not Here Right Now

Being in middle school, Mikie is now a latch key kid.  Or, that's what he would be called if this was the '80s.  We live within a two mile radius of the middle school (just under one mile), so he walks home from school (or rides his bike), lets himself in, makes a snack and does his homework before killing his brain cells with video games.  

Shortly after school started, we learned that he was answering the phone when people would call, not knowing that the only people who call after school are usually telemarketers.  I was appalled one day to here him tell someone a story, "This guy called, and I told him he had the wrong number.  Then he called AGAIN, so I told him the number he called was xxx-xxx-xxxx and that he needed to check what he dialed.  But, he called a THIRD time, and I told him to stop calling because he had the wrong number and my parents weren't home."  I was annoyed that I hadn't taught him "stranger danger" and to not answer the phone when your parents weren't home, to NEVER tell people you were home alone.  All things that, as a latch key kid of the 80s (or maybe a kid whose parents were born and raised in NY) you were told to do for fear of being abducted.  I never taught my kid to fear people because I didn't want them to be paranoid.

Obviously, we've had honest conversations since then.  It hasn't kept Mikie from going up to strangers and petting 15 dogs in the park on the way home from school.  But, he no longer answers the phone.  And, when he does, he knows not to say, "my mom's not home."  

Well, today, the doorbell rang.  I was multitasking:  talking on the phone while putting a load of laundry in the dryer, so Pavlov's dogs (aka, Mikie and Hannah) went running from door to door, in a race to see who was there.  When they determined it wasn't one of their friends, Mikie said, "Mom, it's for you."  Again, multitasking, so I yelled, "Just answer it and I'll be there in a minute."  I assumed it was someone polling for Hillary or Bernie in advance of the primaries.  Nope.  Jehovah's Witnesses.  And, from the bathroom/laundry closet, I can hear Mikie open the door, saying, "My mom's busy in the bathroom. . . doing laundry."  Amazingly, they just looked at each other, handed him a pamphlet while smiling awkwardly, and walked away.  Even as he yelled after them, "She'll be right back!"

Lesson learned:  Overly honest children are a great deterrent to unwanted solicitors.  

Love, The Trahans

Friends in Fancy Places

...also known as "The Adventures of Mikie and the Jewelry Store, Part II".

If you haven't met my son, he has an ability to befriend anyone in seconds.  I love telling the story about the cable guy.  When we lived in our last house, we were having issues with our cable.  Mike was at home with the Comcast guy when Mikie and I arrived home from work/daycare.  He couldn't have been more than four, because Super Nibbles didn't exist yet.  I went upstairs to change out of my work clothes, leaving the men folk downstairs.  When I came downstairs, I found Mikie in the office, chatting with the Comcast guy, telling him his life story and inviting him to his birthday party (which, was months away).  Mike said, "I've been here with the guy for 45 minutes; couldn't tell you his name.  Mikie walks in and, not only does he find out the guys name, he knows how long he's been working for Comcast, if he's married and has kids."  As for the birthday party invite, that's the sign you know he likes you.  He makes friends with perfect strangers at a rest stop in NJ; when we leave, he asks if he can invite them to his birthday party.

But, I digress.  The Jewelry Store.  Last week, Mike picked Mikie up after school on Friday, and took him into town to get his haircut.  Our town has municipal parking lots that require paying to park (which, is far less annoying than the cash-only meters we've seen in other towns).  Being "thrifty" and having already paid to park, Mike suggested they walk to CVS afterwards.  A walk which led right by the jewelry store.

Obviously, Mikie suggested they, "go in and say, 'hi'."  Mike was less enthusiastic and gave the "maybe after CVS" response.  So, you can imagine what happened "after CVS". . . they went to the jewelry store.

This time, I had the pleasure of Mike recounting the story.  Evidently, they walked in to the store to find a female sales associate helping an older lady.  Mike described her as "someone who was easily going to spend a couple thousand dollars."  But, upon seeing Mikie, she asked the woman to "excuse her for a moment" so she could greet Mikie and regale Mike with her side of the story.  According to Mike, my guess was pretty accurate.  The woman describes Mikie arriving in the store and the MANAGER asking all of the associates for ideas on how they could help him spend $25.  At this point, Mikie interrupted to point out it was actually $34 he had to spend, that extra $9 making all the difference.

The story ends with her telling Mike what a wonderful son we have and what a wonderful husband they all thought he'd make some day.

No word yet on if the staff are invited to his birthday party.  I guess we'll find out in September.

Love,
The Trahans

A Pleasant Surprise

Typically, by the time I get home from work, my two minions (or at least Hannah) accost me before I've even removed my coat and put down my bag to ask, "what's for dinner?" or "can we eat out?" So, Friday was a pleasant turn of events.

Don't get me wrong, I was still accosted the second I walked in the door.  But, this time, it was a race to see my reaction to the present my son bought me. . . the present that came from the jewelry store in town.  And, no, it wasn't my birthday.

It all started with my husband's love of hockey.  Former Bruin's player, Bob Sweeney, visited Mikie's middle school class to present the Future Goals:  Hockey Scholar Program, which is a joint initiative between Everfi and the NHL.  Knowing that Mike is a fan, Mikie tried to get the guy's autograph, as did a number of students.  Unfortunately, Bob didn't have enough time to sign autographs for everyone, so he (wisely) didn't sign any autographs.  Feeling bad, he sent bags of Bruins stuff (posters, stickers, etc.) to the kids after the fact.  Specifically, on Friday.

Now, I don't think I've ever complained to my kids about not getting a present when someone else gets a present. Exception:  my birthday.  Because it's on Valentine's Day, my sister always got presents, a fact I continue to joke about today (which manifests itself as a need for multiple presents from my husband).  But, for some reason, my son thought it would be unfair to bring home a free bag of Bruins miscellany for my husband without bringing home a gift for Hannah and I.  So, after school, he decided to use the cash he had in his wallet to go shopping.

There are limited options in the center of town:  CVS, some wedding boutiques, some clothing boutiques, a book store (which is hidden behind some other shops), some hair salons, and a massive jewelry store.  And, this is where my son decided to shop.

Picture it:  Into an upscale jewelry store with staff members in suits and dresses walks an 11 year old boy.  He is wearing athletic pants, winter coat, and snow boots carrying a book bag and his oboe.  He struts in like there is nothing unusual about his presence in an upscale jewelry store and boldly asks, "So, what can I buy for less than $34?"  Can you imagine the looks on their faces?  A mixture of confusion, disdain, and amusement for this child that, I'm sure they thought was intentionally trying to waste their time.  I imagine someone asked who he was shopping for, which prompted Mikie to deliver his lengthy story.  He was shown "silver and bronze hoop earrings", which he rejected because he "wasn't sure if you had your ears pierced."  (Typical male to not notice these details. . . Hannah could tell you not only that my ears are pierced, but what my earrings look like).  Then he was shown charms.  He settled on a pearl topped ice-cream cone because, "everyone likes ice cream and it can remind you of how sweet your family is."  This, after rejecting the watering can charm because he "thought it would be a cruel joke given your inability to keep plants alive."

Long story short, 2016 will forever stand out in my mind as the year that Mikie graduated from gifting me macaroni necklaces to actual jewelry.  Although it wasn't something I would have picked for myself, and I felt guilty that he spent $26 on a gift that I didn't need, I found a white gold chain to match and dutifully wear it. . . as a reminder of the sweet boy who bought it for me.

 

Incidentally, Hannah was gifted a lollipop, possibly a gift with purchase from the same store, which she quickly consumed to avoid the risk that Mikie might take it back.

Love, The Trahans

What I Learned In School

Our school district runs a speaker series with speakers on topics they think parents of school age children will be interested in.  This month, the topic was "Brain Development and Your Child's Executive Functioning".

Since Mikie was diagnosed with ADHD years ago, I've been obsessed with brain development.  I've read books on learning styles (back when I was in denial that he had ADHD) to brain development and alternative ADHD treatments.  Not having an abstract, I was expecting to hear about what age your child hits certain milestones to help balance expectations and how to foster good executive function habits.

Here's what I actually learned. . .

If you don't know, executive function are skills we develop to manage emotions, pay attention, organize and plan.  A common analogy is that the executive function is the equivalent of the brain's air traffic control tower. Not surprisingly, you can have students with high IQs who do poorly in school if academic demands outpace their executive function development.  And, conversely, you can have a student with average intelligence who excels in school if they have strong executive function.

That was the first ten minutes.  The next hour was a discussion of each aspect of executive function and what signs of a deficiency in each aspect look like.  As each aspect was presented, we were supposed to grade ourselves on a five point scale of "strong" to "weak".  Here's what I learned:

1. I have executive function issues, especially when it comes to organization.  
2. I don't think that everything the lecturer identified as "weaknesses" are actually "weaknesses" in today's society where we are encouraged to "think outside the box" and "multi-task".  Case in point, I think it is a strength that I can listen to something someone says and think of five completely random ideas.  This probably means I am metacognitively deficient as well because I refuse to understand and accept my weaknesses.  
3. Some parents feel compelled to talk so that they can get verbal agreement from the lecturer. Not only am I not one of those parents, I hate those parents.
4. Attending a lecture is not like going to the movies.  It is to your detriment to sit in the middle row, middle seat, because it makes it challenging to sneak out in the middle of the lecture when you realize it is a waste of your time.

After some parent took a picture with her camera phone of how to make blinders for your kid when studying using tri-fold poster board (seriously, you couldn't remember that without the photo?!?), I decided to make a break for it.  Karma being what it is, I got into the parking lot and started panicking when I couldn't find my keys.  Rifling through my purse, half convinced they fell out of my purse in the auditorium, I finally found them.  Only to find myself standing in the parking lot for another five minutes trying to figure out where I parked.  I literally stood in the middle of two empty spaces, pressing the "lock" button on my key ring, listening to the car honk, trying desperately to figure out where the sound was coming from.  The answer:  immediately to my left.  No lie, there were no cars separating me from my vehicle, only my absentmindedness.  Evidently, this was the universe's way of laughing at my deficiencies in organization and memory.

In spite of my issues, I continue to function in society.  Probably because my husband puts tracking devices on all the important things I could misplace.

I'm Bringing Blogging Back

Due to consumer demand, I've decided that my 2016 New Year Resolution is to resurrect the blog. I stopped because we were moving, I was still settling into a new job...basically, a million excuses that haven't been valid for a couple of years.

So, without further ado, a quick update of what's happened since 2013.

We Bought a House

If you saw our first house in Maryland and our second house, you were probably expecting us to buy another colonial.  And, you would be wrong.  We ended up in (drumroll please). . . a Cape.  Which, although spacious versus many Capes we looked at seemed like we moved into tiny house nation compared to the 2,800 sq. ft. colonial we moved out of.  Unanimously, everyone's response when they first see it is, "It's so cozy".  "Cozy" being the politically correct way of saying, "wow, it's SMALL."

Losing 600 sq. ft. (1 bedroom, 1 bathroom, and a separate office) meant we had a LOT of stuff that didn't have a home.  No lie, we still have stuff in boxes that we didn't have a place for.  At this point, it's mostly pictures/artwork (my OCD husband having trashed/donated/sold all the furniture within the first year).

I won't bore you with all the gory details of things we've done to the house.  We immediately replaced the tacky, painter's tape blue shutters with new black shutters, and repainted the doors from blue to red because I couldn't stand the assault to my senses after getting home from work.  And there was some serious paint changes to the kitchen and master bedroom.  But, otherwise, most of our money has gone to replacing appliances, repairs from the blizzards of February 2015, and adding insulation.

Mikie Switched Schools. . . AGAIN

Between all the moves, Mikie is currently in his fifth school between kindergarten and now. Sixth grade. . . three states. . . five schools.  And we're not even in the military.  Thankfully, he's still an easy going, affable kid who makes friends with everyone.  In fact, the day we moved into the house, he not only made friends with all the boys in the neighborhood, he invited three of them over for pizza.  Somehow, the fact that the kitchen was full of unpacked boxes is not a deterrent to entertaining when you are a 9 year old boy. 

He took up the oboe so he could join the band.  To date, I still have no idea WHY he chose the oboe over every other instrument he could have picked.  And, I wish we had researched the oboe before we let our naive enthusiasm about the fact that he was interested in playing ANY instrument run away with us.  After the fact, we learned that (a) the oboe is one of the hardest instruments to master because it uses a double reed, (b) those reeds are good for 8 hours of playtime and cost a fortune, and (c) because so few people play it, oboe teachers are hard to come by.  But, he enjoys playing, so we try not to complain too loudly about making the weekly drive to New Hampshire for oboe lessons.

And, in the category of expensive hobbies, Mikie has resumed hockey.  Given the cost of ice time, playing on a team is not cheap.  Like, $2400 not cheap.  So, when we moved, we conveniently didn't find a hockey team.  And, the next fall, we focused on soccer.  Basically, we pretended hockey didn't exist in Andover for 2 1/2 years.  Until one day, at the end of soccer season, we asked Mikie if he wanted to try-out for the traveling soccer team.  His response, "I actually don't like soccer; I just want to play hockey."  Parenting fail!  Riddled with guilt, we got him signed up as an alternate on the team.  

The Tiny Diva Starts School

While Mikie excels in middle school and slowly bankrupts us with his extracurricular activities, Hannah is adjusting to school.  Overall, she loves school.  But, diva that she is, she thinks she already knows everything.  A common response to, "Did you learn anything new at school today?" is "No, I already know more than Mrs. ______."  Parent teacher meetings include comments like, "If I were to step out of the classroom, I have no doubt that Hannah will take over."  We're still working on helping her realize the universe doesn't revolve around her.  We're also working on not alienating others by telling the teacher when they do something you don't approve of.  And, not killing her brother.

Hannah has her own litany of activities too.  She swims at the YMCA after school twice a week.  She does gymnastics on weekends.  When we don't have snow and ice on the ground, she is always biking around the cul-de-sac.  And, this year, Mike set up the ice rink outside, so she's been learning to skate/play hockey.   

I Became an Aunt

In my top ten of life's great moments, I became an aunt.  My Teddy Bear (aka, Ted, T-Bear, T-Diddy) was born almost two years ago.  Hands down, I am his favorite aunt (ignore the fact that I am also his only aunt. . . I'd still be his favorite if there was a competition).  Much to all our chagrin, he still lives in the south with my sister and brother-in-law.  Although, as adorable as he is, Mike reminds me that we both have zero desire to change diapers and get up in the middle of the night.  So, we content ourselves with conversations via phone, FaceTime and the twice a year visit. 

Which brings us to the present.  January 2016.  To new, hopefully entertaining, posts.

Happy New Year!

Love, The Trahans

The Great Cookie Bake Off

So, what do scientists do for fun?  Many friends have taken up distillation or fermentation as hobbies (translation:  they make their own beer, wine, or other form of alcohol).  At work this week, we turned our attention to another venture:  baking.

Now, I often complain that, if you know how to bake, you can make personal care products.  Because, on a daily basis, I follow a batch care (recipe), adding very precise amounts of ingredients (in this case, chemicals) together, mixing them, heating them, cooling them, until, c'est voila, shampoo.  The art comes in by creating a recipe from scratch, understanding how each of the ingredients will work together (or not work, as the case may be) to create one perfect product.

Now imagine, a bunch of scientists (and some non-scientists) competing to see who can create the perfect cookie.  There were over a dozen creations, all consumed over lunch.  My stomach is still protesting remembering how many sweets it ingested on Monday.  I don't think I have ever consumed that many cookies in a day, let alone one sitting.  In the end, one cookie reigned supreme. . . my Chocolate Chippy.

In fairness, the Chocolate Chippy had existed in my mind for over a year.  People on Pinterest posted recipes adding potato chips to chocolate chip cookies.  But, when I tried them, I realized that, putting crumpled potato chips into a cookie made them soggy.  By the time the cookie finished baking, you had lost all of the crunch of the potato chip.  And, really, the sweet/salty combination wasn't perfectly balanced.  I initially tried using adding the chips to a chocolate dough.  Then I tried Frito's corn chips (since they are thicker, I thought they would retain some of their crunch).  But, my husband vetoed the Frito's, claiming the cookie was overwhelmingly "corn flavored".  I tried rolling the cookie in crumbled chips, like you might roll a cookie in nuts or sugar.  A small improvement, but not what I was ultimately looking for.

If only I could coat the potato chips in something so that they retained their saltiness AND crunch.  Something like the non-nutritive cereal varnish Clark invented in National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation (a classic).  And then, it came to me.  Why not coat the potato chips in chocolate before adding them to the cookie?  This introduced new challenges. . . how to best coat the chip without getting too much chocolate on the chip (because I wanted to maintain the perfect balance of sweet and salty).  Ultimately, I painted dark chocolate onto both sides of the chips, laid them on a cookie sheet in the freezer to set, then crumbled them into smaller pieces to add to the cookies.

In hindsight, coating potato chips this way is very time consuming.  If you're crunched for time (pardon the pun), you can order chocolate covered potato chips from various retailers on the Internet.  I love dark chocolate, and most vendors use milk, so I'm going to continue painting chips.  For anyone who wants to try it, the full recipe is listed below:

Dark Chocolate Covered Potato Chips

Ruffles Potato Chips (can substitute other chips, but the crinkle cut are easier to coat)
1 bar of Hershey's Special Dark Chocolate (can substitute other chocolates)

Break the bar of chocolate up in a glass bowl.  Microwave on high at 30 second intervals, stirring in between, until chocolate is melted.  With a brush or clean hands, paint the chocolate onto each side of a potato chip.  Lay the coated chips on a cookie sheet lined with wax paper.  Freeze until the chocolate has set.  Break the chips into pieces.

The Chocolate Chippy

2 cups all-purpose flour
2 teaspoons cornstarch
1 teaspoon baking soda
1/2 teaspoon sea salt
3/4 cup butter, at room temperature
1 cup packed brown sugar
1/4 cup of granulated sugar
1 large egg
2 teaspoons vanilla extract
2 cups of broken Dark Chocolate Covered Potato Chips (see recipe above)
additional sea salt for sprinkling on top of the cookies

Preheat oven to 350F.  In a large bowl, whisk together flour, cornstarch, baking soda, and salt.  Set aside.
In the bowl of a stand mixer, cream together butter and sugar until smooth and creamy.  Add egg and vanilla extract and beat until combined.  Slowly mix in the dry ingredients, mixing until smooth and uniform.  Scrape the sides and bottom of the bowl as needed to make sure all of the flour is mixed in.  Stir in chocolate covered potato chips.  Scoop tablespoon sized balls of the dough.  Sprinkle or roll the top in sea salt before placing on cookie sheet, spaced about 2 inches apart between cookies.  Bake for 10 minutes.  Allow the cookies to cool for 2-3 minutes on the cookie sheet before removing.  Assuming you haven't consumed the cookies (or dough), continue cooling on a cooling rack before storing.

Happy Baking!

Love, The Trahans

Stream of Consciousness

There are five more days left of commuting 52 miles to and from work left for me. You would think I'd be ecstatic. But, the closer we seem to come to moving, the more painful my commute seems to be. Part of me thinks God is trying to make us even more appreciative of the change once we move. But, I really think I am starting to lose my mind.  Just read some of the thoughts that go through my mind during my three to four hours in the car:

"Once I get to work, I will only have ten more times that I have to make this drive...ten..."

(After reading a Connecticut vanity tag) "'EXIT12'?!? What is that supposed to mean?  That is the stupidest license plate I've seen yet.  Why would you pay money for that license plate?  What exit is exit 12 in CT anyway?  Stamford is 8-10, so it must be somewhere between Stamford and Milford.  What could possibly be the significance of some town between Stamford and Milford?"

(After reading a sign updating traffic conditions) "8 miles and 8 minutes to Allston/Brighton.  How is that possible?  I am stopped. Literally traveling 0 miles an hour. The top speed I have reached in the last 20 minutes is 20 miles an hour. The only way I could travel 8 miles in 8 minutes would be if my car turned into a helicopter right now. Or if I had a plow attached to the front of my car and could bulldoze traffic around me.  Now THAT would be cool!"

(8 minutes later) "So, clearly that sign must be a joke, because I have traveled less than half a mile."

(28 minutes later) "8 miles in 28 minutes would have been more accurate.  I don't know how they determine these travel times, but they should double their calculation before posting it. If it said '8 miles 40 minutes', right now I'd be thinking, "Woo Hoo!  I made it in 28 minutes. That's got to be some kind of record!'  Instead, I'm just pissed off at the ineptitude of MassDOT."

(The next day, after reading the same sign) "Maybe they should make MassDOT employees get in a car and drive the Pike all day long to report on travel conditions. That would be the WORST job ever. They could punish criminals by making them drive it.  Wait, no, bad idea. They might crash intentionally. I bet if Jesus came back to earth now, the Romans would torture him by making him drive the Pike repeatedly before crucifying him.  Wait, that seems sacrilegious. I wonder if God will consider my torturous endurance of this traffic as atonement..."

(After the announcement that the Pats signed Tim Tebow) "I hope Tim Tebow never has to drive on I-90 or I-93 during rush hour.  It may shake his faith knowing Hell does exist."

(Too the tune of 'Stuck In The Middle With You') "Cars to the left of me / More cars to my right / Here I am / Stuck in rush hour with you."

"Why do I wake up everyday thinking, 'Maybe there won't be traffic today?'  Isn't the definition of insanity doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result?  Am I insane?  I must be if I drive this everyday and still wake up the next day wondering if there will be less traffic.  I think I'm sane...is this what insane feels like?  Thinking your sane when your not?  Maybe I don't actually THINK there will be less traffic.  I just WISH there would be less traffic. That must be the difference. Still sane, just hopelessly optimistic..."

"AAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!!!" Think McCaully Culkin screaming in Home Alone...this was actually in my out loud voice.

Wow, seeing it written out definitely makes me rethink my sanity...

10 days until we close...10 more nights sleeping in a hotel...9 more times I have to drive along the Mass Pike during rush hour...

Pray for our sanity between now and the 25th.

Love, The Trahans

. 

How Living in a Hotel is like College

We have officially moved out of the house and are living in a hotel. Which sounds very fancy. Champagne, caviar, room service, pool. Until you realize we are at the Econo Lodge. No pool.  No room service, unless you are Hannah and Mikie and Mike and I are the staff (unpaid staff I should add). There might be caviar in the pond out front, but I wouldn't want to eat it. We do have champagne, but only because I moved the bottle of Andre from the house to the hotel (really classy, I know).

All kidding aside, it could be worse. As a coworker joked, we could be "living in a van down by the river".  But, moving from a 4 bedroom, 2 1/2 bathroom, 2800 sq. ft. house into the equivalent of a studio apartment with a cleaning lady is quite an adjustment. It's like being back to college, but with two kids...

Problem #1:  Sleeping. We have two queen beds; one for us and one for the kids. Or, as Hannah tried to convince us, "One for the girls and one for the boys."  Ha!  Fat chance, kid. I've seen "Family Guy". I don't need to give her easy access to smother me while I sleep.

Remember being in college and finding out you are an early riser, but your roommate is a night owl?  That's us.  The kids go to bed at 8:30. First, because they need their sleep (it's hard enough to wake them up at 6 am). Second, because Mike and I need time without listening to them whine and fight. So, we put them to bed. Mikie, the world's soundest sleeper, passes out immediately. Hannah, the world's lightest sleeper, will not go to sleep unless you lay in bed snuggling her. And, even then she wants to have a conversation for a good forty minutes. 

Once we overcome the hurdle of getting them to sleep, we encounter another problem. We don't go to sleep for another 3 hours. In college, you could just walk to your friend down the hall or hang out in the common area. But, in a hotel?  We lay in the adjacent bed reading, occasionally daring to watch TV with the volume really lowdown as not to disturb Hannah. 

Worse, imagine that your college roommate is scared of the dark. And, for some reason insists on having half the lights on to fall asleep. I, who am a light sleeper (especially since having kids), woke up every two hours when I came out of REM sleep because I thought the light filtering though my lids was the sun and that I overslept. 

After the second night without sleep, we bought low wattage bulbs for the lights. 

After the third night without sleep, I took a risk and turned off the lights during the night. 

Now, I leave the bathroom light on with the door cracked so that the room is dark enough for me to sleep. But, if the kids wake up, they won't panic. 

Problem #2:  TV. First, the kids are not used to live television.  Mikie keeps asking us to "pause" the TV.  Hannah keeps asking us to put on (insert a show that is not on), demanding that we turn it on "On Demand". We've given up trying to explain that we don't have a DVR. 

Second, there is only one TV. So, just like in college, we need to agree on what to watch. This is less of an adjustment for Mike and I, because we usually watch what the kids want to watch when they are awake and agree on what to watch together when they are asleep. But, the kids are not used to agreeing. If Hannah was watching Caillou, Mikie would ask to watch Loony Tunes in our bedroom. If Mikie was watching something Hannah didn't want to watch, she would scream/ask to watch Netflix on the computer, and, in many instances, end up in time out. 

Problem #3:  Imposing time out when there are only two rooms. My solution has been to make everyone suffer by turning off all electronic devices and make them sit on separate beds. Mikie's solution is to threaten to put Hannah in the bathroom by herself. His way is very effective because of problem #4...

Problem #4:  Hannah's SEVERE separation anxiety.  Hannah will not allow us to leave her alone for even a second lately. Worse, Hannah considers herself "alone" if I am not occupying the same space as her AND she has an unobstructed view of me from where she is. This means I can't leave her in the car for the ten seconds it takes me to walk around to her door and unbuckle her car seat. She begs Mikie to stay in the car until I get to her door. This anxiety also extends to me leaving her I the hotel room with Mike and Mikie to do laundry, and, occasionally, to me walking into the bathroom to shower or empty my bladder. 

Problem #5:  Communal, coin operated laundry room.  We have to carry the laundry down a flight of stairs. This requires appropriate dress in case you should encounter other hotel patrons on your way to the guest laundry room. Plus, physically carrying a basket of laundry down the stairs.  At home, I would throw everything down the stairs and pick it up, or kick it, around the corner to the laundry area.  Then, I need to find an empty machine (there are only two washers, only one of which is high efficiency, and two dryers) and, $3 in quarters per load ($1.50 for the washer and $1.50 for the dryer). Oh, and, I need to keep track of when I started the load so that I can run back downstairs before someone "tables" my wet clothes. 

Problem #6:  Parking. Of course you would always fight for the parking spot right in front of your dorm or class. Especially if you went to school where it snowed. And, if you didn't get that spot, you might have to make multiple trips to and from your car to get your books, groceries, Ghanian drum, etc. back inside your dorm. Now, imagine doing that with two other people, one of whom doesn't have the ability to carry her own things. In the pouring rain. When the closest parking spot is a block away. 

I THOUGHT I could solve this predicament by pulling up to the front door, unloading Mikie and all our stuff (book bags, lunch boxes, work laptop, purse, etc) into the foyer. Mikie is responsible enough to watch our stuff while Hannah and I park the car and run back through the rain with the umbrella. The glitch in my brilliant scheme:  Hannah's SEVERE separation anxiety. While I unloaded the car and Mikie was in the foyer, Hannah was "alone in the car" (if you disregard the fact that I was in and out of the car every 15 seconds).  In her mind, I had forgotten her, and she was hysterical by the time we parked and ran back to the hotel. 

Problem #7:  Cooking. Similar to college, we are eating a lot of pasta and things that can be prepared in a microwave. We do have a "kitchen" with a full size refrigerator, sink, dishwasher, microwave, and stove. But, no oven. And, since the room is so small, I haven't braved sautéing chicken for fear of setting off the smoke alarm/sprinkler system. Which Mike succeeded in doing when he fried me an egg the night we decided to have breakfast for dinner. 

On the upside, we are relocating to a new hotel next Friday when school ends. This way, we're closer to the new house, can reduce our commute on Monday morning. And, the new hotel has a pool (Ooh! Ahh!)

And, we only have 10 more days until we close on the new house...

Love, the Trahans

The Bad, the Ugly, and the Outrageously Overpriced!

Also known as "Homes We Are NOT Buying!"

Now that you've seen the home we are buying, I thought I would entertain everyone with photos of some of the homes we didn't buy. Keep in mind, all of the homes you are about to see are located within a 20 mile radius of Boston and were priced (at the time we saw them) between $500K and $700K.

Home #1:  8 Sandspur Lane

We never actually saw 8 Sandspur Lane in person.  Sadly, priced at $729K, it was far outside our price range.  But, the pictures of this home were EPIC.  So, we had to include it.

Per the listing:  "A nicely maintained and updated home, perfect for the larger family with potential for a 6th BR in the lower level. Water for the pool and lawn irrigation system supplied by a private well. Professionally landscaped. Enjoy the quiet back yard with in-ground pool, pool bar and gazebo or maybe the deck overlooking the pool would be more your style. Separate entrance is perfect for a home business office. On the end of a cul-de-sac and conveniently located for highway access and shopping."

Note, they said "updated", just not when.  Judging by the decor, I think 1970-1980.

The pool bar. . .

I don't know if you can fully appreciate everything that is going on in this backyard.  The pool with slide is beautiful.  Then, you have a lamppost in the background of the picture that looks like Mr. Tumnus is going to appear momentarily (if you don't know who that is, please read "The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe).  Flanking said lamppost are two park benches, straight from Central Park, which go nicely with the grecian statuary and stone bench in the foreground (just behind the table and chairs).  And, who doesn't love a good tiki torch, strategically positioned just out of reach of the (probably flammable) green-and-white striped awning.

Really, a more apt description would have been, "There is nothing that this home doesn't have."

Home #2:  3 Hayward Farms Lane

"Cul-de-sac location, abuts Thompson Country Club. Hip Roof Colonial, custom built floor plan with bright spacious kitchen, formal dining room, formal step down living room, 1st floor family room with fireplace. Terrific sun room. Master bedroom has vaulted ceilings. Professionally finished lower level with Silestone wetbar and second fireplace.  Setting is on a builder's acre including inground, heated gunite pool, patio, and brand new custom deck. Many new features, newer furnace in '08, and air conditioning in '07. Great curb appeal.  Highly sought after schools."

Let me start by saying, this showing was destined for disaster.  We started by setting off the alarm system.  So, Mike and I had ample time to tour the grounds while our agent, Alison, called the sellers agent to figure out what the code was.  And, call of the alarm company.  In doing so, we saw the beautifully landscaped pool area, deck, ad patio.  Not being sarcastic:  they really were well done.

Then we walked to the front of the house.  And, what you really can't appreciate from a distance is all the unfinished details on the exterior.  The decorative trim/moulding around the front door was new.  Or, you hope it is new.  Because, whoever nailed it onto the house never puddied the holes for all the finish nails.  Nor did they paint it.  Same holds true for the new palladium window above the front door. And, while most of the trim is white, the gutters and downspouts are all pale yellow.  So, one would need to be painted/replaced.  We were taking dibs on the gutters and downspouts.  Since the clapboard siding also needed a new coat of paint, we weren't too concerned.

Until we ventured inside. . . Let me just say, if you are going to expect me to pay $700K for your house, clean it.  I mean, don't leave your dirty towel on the bathroom floor.  Don't leave your toilet lid up if you are too lazy to clean the poop stains out of the bowl.  I gave you 24 hours notice.  Work with me.

Annoyed as I may be by poor housekeeping, I could overlook it.  If your house was awesome.  But, this house needed something changed in every room.  Aside from being either Pepto Bismal pink or dark green, every carpet was in abysmal condition and needed to be ripped out and replaced.  The interior was of the palladium window was equally unfinished (see picture below).  The only room I didn't feel compelled to change was the second floor laundry area.

Add in the TWO sump pumps that were running continuously in the basement for the entire hour we were there, along with the TWO oil tanks (one to heat the house, the second to heat the pool), and immediately knew this wasn't our house.

House #3:  11 Bliss Road

"Fantastic colonial style home in tranquil wooded setting just a short distance to the sought after Batchelder Elementary School. Keep warm and cozy by the fire this winter in your great room with wood fireplace or enjoy your wonderful open concept kitchen with stainless steel appliances, granite & breakfast bar. This home is perfect for entertaining both inside and out. Don't take my word for it come see this for yourself! Live here and be happy!"

This home really is stunning.  In layout, it as similar to our current home.  It is in a great school system.  It has a Buderus heating system. I didn't know what that was, but Alison was salivating.  When she stopped, she explained that it is a very expensive heating system that has the best efficiency of any system on the market.  And, it seemed like a steal at $579K.  

Unfortunately, Bliss Road is anything but blissful.  First, it is an unpaved, gravel road.  Second, the front of this lovely home looks directly into the side and back of a trashy home.  Unfortunately, the trees in the satellite image below obscure the broken down cars and school bus (yes, a bright yellow monstrosity with no tires).  But, the wooden shutters on all the windows weren't enough to block the image from my memory.  Probably why 11 Bliss Road has been on the market for a record breaking 78 days.  

House #4:  2 Benjamin Road

"AMAZING OFFER! PRISTINE & SUNNY HOME WITH 1/3 OF AN ACRE & A LEVEL BACKYARD OVERLOOKING TREES! SPARKLING HARDWOOD FLOOR & NEWER WINDOWS! LOVELY PERIOD MILLWORK AND BUILT-INS. NEWLY REPAINTED INTERIOR AND EXTERIOR, NEW BATH & NEW KITCHEN WITH WHITE MAPLE CABINETS, GRANITE COUNTER TOPS & SS APPLIANCES. 2006 PRIVATE MASTER SUITE WITH AN OVER-SIZED WALK-IN SHOWER, GRANITE VANITY TOP & A BALCONY WITH WOODSY VIEWS! SPACIOUS LOWER LEVEL FAMILY ROOM & A POTENTIAL 4TH BEDROOM. PLENTY OF YARD FOR EXPANSION!"

The agent left out, "IN THE COVETED LEXINGTON SCHOOL DISTRICT". Which was really the main reason why I dropped everything one day and drove out to see it.  That, and the price break to $650K.  It looked a bit small, but the listing claimed it was just under 2200 sq. ft.  And, it was in Lexington, which, aside from being THE Lexington of "The battle of Lexington and Concord" fame from the Revolutionary War, is where rich people live.  And, rich people paying + hefty town taxes = really great public school system.  Plus, it was only 10 miles from work.  

First issue:  this is a corner lot, abutting Concord Avenue.  Which is very busy.  At 1pm, there was a steady flow of cars past this house. So, we would have needed to put a fence up or chain our kids to the house to prevent them from running into traffic.  Second issue:  it was in dire need of a new roof.  And walkway.  And repaving of the driveway.  Right there, I'm over budget and I haven't set foot inside. But, when I did (along with three other couples who got updates that the seller dropped the price), I was greeted by issue number three. This house was NOT 2200 sq. ft.  It might have been 1200 sq. ft. plus a mostly finished basement. I think the entire house could fit in the space taken up by my kitchen and family room.  The third bedroom could accommodate a twin bed, with no room for a dresser, unless it was narrow and could be pushed inside the closet (which was smaller than our coat closet).  

As if wasting my time seeing an overpriced home in Lexington wasn't bad enough, it took me an hour to travel the 10 miles back to work. ONE WHOLE HOUR.  At two in the afternoon.  Can you imagine what rush hour would be like?  Walking would have been faster.  

Those were the most noteworthy homes.  But, honorable mention must be paid to homes with standout features.    See our favorites below:

The world's tiniest sink:

Note, the tape measure is 3" wide.  The sink was about 15" across. Incredibly tiny.  

This same house also offered the original "double sink":

complete with heat lamps:

and energy efficient fluorescent lights, perfect for applying makeup by:

In the same category of "bathrooms", we found the camouflaged medicine cabinet:

and my mother-in-law thought I hid the band-aids.

The corner sink:

For small bathrooms that need to accommodate a toilet, access to the basement, and an exterior door, leaving no free wall space for a vanity, a corner sink is the perfect (and only) solution.

What home would be complete without the world's smallest electrical panel:

At about 5" wide by a little over 12" tall, this "efficient" panel was the main (and only) panel for the house, accommodating 100 amp service with 10 circuits and room to grow with space for two more.  

Also in the category of "things you will find in the basement":

The saloon:

complete with the world's smallest dishwasher:

This basement also housed the a state of the art bathroom:

with reading material that my sister would appreciate:

In a different house, we found the "Barbie Room":

Mikie and Alison pointed this out to the rest of us.  A "semi-finished" room in the basement.  It conjured creepy visions of kids begging, "but I don't WANT to go play in the Barbie Room.  Please, don't make me go.  I'll promise to be good."  When you see the inside, you'll appreciate what I mean:

Clearly, this is where they sent their kids when they didn't follow the house rules:

No whining seemed to be a popular rule.  Another house had it listed in their kitchen too:

But, my two FAVORITE features are:

The creepy kissing door knocker:

because there is nothing more romantic then slamming someone's face into another for a kiss. 

And, tree trunks used as support columns:

the original "knotty pine".

With all of these winning features, I guess I should be amazed that it only took us five weeks to find a home.  

Love, The Trahans

The Home Shopping Process

Searching for house #3 can only be likened to the most exhausting, full time job, ever.  I swear, I don't remember it being this exhausting when we looked for our first two homes.  Mike laughs every time I say this and accuses me of wearing rose colored glasses.

Oh to be young and naive (and skinny) again.

The search for house #1 occurred when we were engaged and childless, or as Mike calls it, "young and naive."  So, I guess the bliss of embarking on two of life's journeys together overshadows any trouble we had.  I think we looked at a dozen homes before finding our first home.  Granted, those dozen were memorable:  the one with the bomb shelter being my favorite (Mike still maintains it would have made a cool fort).

Our first home

The search for house #2 occurred when Mikie was two.  He had boundless amounts of energy, but was always happy and was pretty content to sit in the back of our car, and watch DVDs.  Our agent, Sue, would take us through individually, and then we would compare notes curb side so that we didn't inconvenience Mikie.  And, in hindsight, we didn't spend much time in the car.  We knew we wanted to live in Sutton, Northbridge, or Grafton.  So, we focused on homes in three neighboring towns.  We could accomplish a lot in a few hours.  The only frustration came from the seller of the first home we put an offer in on causing a bidding war to try and drive up the price.  Ultimately, we walked away, found a house we loved even more.  And, karma came back to haunt them:  three days after we walked away (one day after we put an offer on our current home) they called us to see if we were still interested in the house.  Apparently, their buyer couldn't get financing and backed out.  They were on the market for another six months and sold for significantly less than we offered them.

Our second home

The search for house #3. . . where do I begin?  First, we made the process infinitely more challenging because we refused to focus on one town.  We agreed up front that our must have was an amazing school system in a town that has a good history of passing it's override.  We did not want to move only to find ourselves in a school district in jeopardy of losing its accreditation due to lack of funds.  While many people have extolled the virtues of catholic or private school, we agreed before we had kids that we saw a lot of benefits to public school education.  And, having looked into private school four years ago, we know that the cost of tuition times two kids times twelve years is enough to (1) buy another house or (2) send a kid to college.  So, we agreed that we would sacrifice on other things to ensure we were moving into a great school system.

Second, having lived in our beautiful home for the last six years, we had lofty standards for a prospective new home to meet:

• central air conditioning for our allergies
• two car garage because we live in New England
• at least three bedrooms plus a separate office, or four bedrooms if there is no separate office
• at least two full bathrooms (because Hannah and I will not survive if we have to share a bathroom when she is a teenager)
• ideally gas heat, because we spend a fortune on oil to heat our current house

Those were the big wants.  We probably also asked for at least 2400 sq. ft. on at least a third of an acre of land, but I can't remember.

From January to March, we stalked homes.  Literally.  We both had every real estate app.  We would look at properties and night and star ones we liked.  On March 13th, we accepted an offer on our house.  Within an hour, I called our agent to request showings of a new construction that had been listed on March 12th.  She called me back to tell me it was already under contract.  In 24 hours.

Initially, I dismissed this little detail because it was a new construction at a really great price.  The other house the builder sold in that  development had sold for $250K MORE.

In our efforts to reduce strain on the kids, we went to showings in the middle of the day while they were in school.  Not super convenient since we both work full time, but our employers seemed to recognize it was a short term issue.  What we quickly realized was there was so little inventory that EVERY home was selling within 24-48 hours.  For example, the first house we put an offer on, we were one of 20 couples to walk through in the first 24 hours.  And, we were one of at least three people bidding on it.  Second example:  my boss told me his wife's friend was selling her home on Facebook if I was interested.  I scoffed and said, "she'll never succeed with that approach. . . I'll look at it this weekend if I don't find anything else."  It was under contract within 3 days.  Anything that wasn't sold in a week made you wonder "what's wrong with it?"

For five and a half weeks, we searched.  Every night, we culled through listings.  On Thursdays and Fridays, I would spend my entire lunch looking at what came on-line that morning (realizing most agent listed on Thursday or Friday, had an open house on Saturday and/or Sunday, and accepted offers on Monday).  I dropped everything to see house in the middle of the day if our agent, Alison, could get an appointment.  And, we saw a LOT of homes.  Three we liked enough to put offers on (two of which were obviously not accepted).  I lost count on how many I walked through.  I plotted out Sunday's packed with open houses scattered across towns 15 miles apart and dragged Mike and the kids to them (because, with the amount of gas I was using to look for homes, I couldn't waste money on a babysitter).  Last weekend, I dragged Mike to see six homes.  He still has to look at the pictures to remember what we bought.

And, we are currently dealing with the little snafu of "what do we do between houses?"  We (fingers crossed) are scheduled to close on our house on Monday and rent back through June 2nd.  But, we can't close on the new house before June 25th. So, for 3 weeks, we will be homeless.  We are hoping to negotiate with our buyers to move out after school ends (June 21st) so that Mikie can finish school in Northbridge.  Then, we can spend an extended weekend at a hotel near the new house.  But, if we are unsuccessful, we will be renting a hotel through the 21st near Northbridge, moving all of our stuff into storage for three weeks, then moving to a hotel near the new house for a long weekend before we close and move in.

So, where are we moving?  We will be moving to Andover, about 20 miles North of Boston.  You can click here to watch the video tour, or just check out some of the pictures below:

Our home-to-be

Living room

Dining room

Kitchen

I refuse to say that this will be the last time we move, because, every time I have said that in the past, we move within 5-10 years.  I just hope that if we ever move again, the kids are both old enough to stay home by themselves!

Love, The Trahans